The Next Frontier
Monday, November 16, 2009
image courtesy of zoonabar
A few weeks ago, I found out that I’m being downsized from the company I work for. I haven’t written since then, because I haven’t been sure what to say.
It’s been 15 years since I graduated from college, and for most of those years I’ve been working in a narrow niche of software development for the printing and publishing industries. What I’ve learned in that time is immense. From a childhood of chaos and poverty, this career enabled me to create a stable financial life. I’ve learned how to complete complicated projects, hang tough in challenging situations, and work with a wide variety of people.
At the same time, coming out of a meeting last week, I realized that I had just spent an hour going into minute details about things that mean absolutely nothing in the big picture. I’m not one to linger on regrets ... but I do feel some sadness that I’ve devoted so much of my life to work that I don’t particularly care about.
At this point, there are many possible roads I can take. I can take a job right now doing pretty much the same thing that I’ve been doing for 15 years. I can look for something new. Or I can take the time I have and focus on breaking through my own blocks so that I can wholeheartedly participate in creating the awesome future I see in my mind’s eye.
For maybe the first time in my life, I have a great deal of empty space. The challenge is for me to resist the urge to fritter it away, to make good use of it. The challenge is, as always, to grow.
The frontier of growth is about embodying my ideals more and more deeply—honestly facing the ways in which don’t live in accordance with what I say I believe. I’ve done a lot of work, and I’ve come a long way, but I still have so much cynicism, arrogance, insecurity and uncertainty to overcome.
Part of me wants to take the easiest possible road and jump into a new job just like the old one. To sit back and provide color commentary on what’s happening instead of jumping in and playing. That part of me still sees my journey as entirely my own, unrelated and not beholden to anything larger than myself.
But there’s another part of me, a braver part, that sees all the incredible possibilities in where I’m at right now. This is the part I’m putting my attention on.
Have you been through a life-changing situation like this? How did it impact you? How did you use it to develop? I would love to hear your story as I sketch in the lines of my new life and work on a plan to flesh it out ...
Well ... yes ... I have. That’s actually how I got to Oakland, Megan. I had worked as a counselor for a Ged/Charter High School program in Albuquerque and they hired an MSW for that position and I was to do strictly job development, on site coaching, and teach job related workshops. The funding got cut for that program. I had planned on staying there for at least another year to continue developing new skills, connecting with the youth, etc. - but - that was not to be. Thus, I weighed my options. I had just recently got my Vocational Rehabilitation license for the state and could have gone into the school district to work and make decent money ... but ... I didn’t want to work in a traditional high school - I always want to be off of the beaten path in what I do. So ... I said, “Well, I’ve always wanted to live in the SF Bay Area ... maybe I shoudl go there.” So, I thought and thought about it ... thought and thought about it ... then set my mind on it. 3 months later I got rid of most of my shit, started grad school and hit the road.
New life.
Based in that experience I can say this: openness is a beautiful thing. To have a blank canvas that awaits your creativity is a beautiful ... and frightening. I had only lived in the bay area a month before I started to get scared. I had some money and I was collecting unemployment ... but ... I was still scared. Then, I landed a good position in a good organization working wit the type of youth that I love to work with. Faith. Not hokey faith in an invisible god or anything like that but faith in the miracle that is existence and the magic that it is laden with. Also, faith in the creative abundance of the earth ... which all things come from.
Be brave! Exercise your power and exorcise the “cynicism, arrogance, insecurity and uncertainty.” Live in the interconnected web of love and live your truth!! (which I need to be doing as well). :))
Megan, you are an amazing woman! I so enjoy reading your blog and coming to know you as I have not had the chance to do. You are amazing. Your insights, your observations, your brilliance is so upfront! Know that a job can never define you - there are many who do so much in the hours that they are not at work and build lives that are all that they want. Be the amazing person you are meant to be!
wow, thank you both! faith is really what it’s about—trusting instead of shrinking back from possibilities. i’m seeing more and more clearly how i shrink back instead of leaning forward and it can be discouraging. BUT seeing what i want to shift is the first step to shifting it, right?
the fact is that whatever force got us here—as these incredibly complex, subtle, mysterious beings in this wildly inventive universe—has power and intelligence. it bestowed the same on all of us. we only have to let go and go with it.
thanks again for the encouragement and the fellowship. :)
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